i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
