I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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