the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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