I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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