I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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