k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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