i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
