I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
