I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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