In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
