kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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