trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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