hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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