I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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