I want to walk on stilts...naked
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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