ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
