I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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