if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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