remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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