Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
