I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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