i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
