I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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