we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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