Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
