Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
