I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
