My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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