So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
