Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
