I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I understand Curling. That high.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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