My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
