Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
