Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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