he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
