I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
