Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
