I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
