I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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