You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You've changed since you got that strap on
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
