I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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