Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
