If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
