I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
