Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
