Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
