He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
