i permit you to call me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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