piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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