"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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